Perfect? By no means, webster defines being perfect as:
: having no mistakes or flaws
: completely correct or accurate
: having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc.
I don't know of anyone that falls under that definition, although lots people strive to pose as such to the real world. What I do know is that for the 42 years (soon to be 43) that I've lived on this earth, I strived to do the best that I can under my normal circumstances. Brought up in a Christian home (currently on church sabbotical) with a personal relationship with my Creator, given a wide berth in life to succeed or fail. Meaning, given a chance to experience life, shown that so much more lies out there; that we are not blocked in our limited views, shown that (in the words of the Clark Sisters) the sky is the limit.
Perfect? Never will be but I do have some answers to some life lessons. As an observer, I've watched other people do things and succeed and fail. Habits either make us or break us. Being consistent is a habit in all of us; consistently failing or consistently succeeding. It's either one of the two. We have to figure out the best way of succeeding in life, a healthy way to succeed in life. We have to realize when a so-called "good thing" is unhealthy. Just because it brings pleasure to you doesn't mean it's good for you. Yes the sky is the limit BUT if you get up there by the wrong means, you will fall to the ground quickly. Like a body on a torn parachute. No rip cord, no protection just hitting the ground with a thud. Pray for guidance and listen to those that come before you. The fact that they have lived years before you gives them some knowledge of lessons learned. Youth gives you assumptions that the elders know nothing, they are weak and know nothing of the good times to be had in the world.....when the fact is that elders have already experienced those good times and know first hand what happens when the wrong choices are made. Think about it and learn from everyone else's lessons.
Again...am I perfect? Nope and I am NOT striving to be perfect it's more of striving to be the best Annissa that I can be! Am I learning my lessons Yes...And it seems, even now, i'm still attempting to share them. Whether anyone listens or not...welp...that's up to them. I don't force people to do ANYthing nor do I like drama and confrontation. Life goes on...it is what it is...Just learn your lesson...I know I'm learning mine.
Walking home a few days ago, I looked up and noticed very dark clouds ahead of me. This moment I literally walking into a storm. Luckily for me it was NOT raining yet but I knew it was coming. It reminded me that sometimes in life we see situations coming but we don't stop moving forward...we don't stop moving forward because we know the situation will pass and life will go on.
This will be a short one today...so I say to you...no matter what you are dealing with - encourage yourself to keep moving forward and continue forth walking thru the storm.
I was speaking to a young lady the other day and she was sharing her new life moves with me. She was hopng that her new life included a certain young man that she could count on. But as soon as she really started sharing her action plans with him he immediately showed his true colors. Yep, the control monster reared its ugly head quickly and tried to push pause on her dreams. She stuck to her guns and disconnected from him immediately.
This conversation took me to a flashback of some specific memories. Made me think of times that I've allowed an insecure male individual to stop/pause a goal pursuit. WHY? Because at the time, I had the preposterous idea that I needed this dude (we'll nickname him "Any Dude") in my life to check off something. Don't get me wrong, I love our Kings and the right King is ideal for me but not just any dude. We ladies have to be careful because "Any Dude" comes in all shapes, sizes and mindsets. You see "Any dude" can be:
One that doesn't have a plan and he wants you to not have a plan too.
"Any Dude" may have some success under his belt but due to his childhood upbringing only knows how to attract and oppress a female individual. He doesn't know how to uplift because he's never learned it.
"Any Dude" can also be manipulative and say the magic words and phrases to attract a motivated female individual with false support. And at his self-appointed time he will launch the "let me try to stop her" plan.
If the female individual is strong-willed and determined, she will see the light immediately and break off any connection.
If the female individual is wavering in the self-esteem department, sadly "Any Dude" has a chance of succeeding and crazy enough it makes him happy.
Sadly, "Any Dude" operates in a world of control. He LOVES to control other people, it gives him power, in his mind at least.
I encourage my fellow female individuals to organize your list, make a plan and work your plan. Check your list to make sure you stay on track. When obstacles come your way, adjust.
Control can be good and bad. On one hand, definitely make sure your life is stable but on the other hand don't try to control EVERYthing because some things are beyond that word; everything in moderation. There are some moments when you have go with the flow, still going forward, still working the plan go forward with a success. When you try to control EVERYthing, you literally arrest your ideas, and what happens when someone is under arrest? Yes they are stopped and locked up and that's what happens to your goals/dreams.
Lastly, don't get caught up in the bright lights and get distracted. Distraction is when "Any Dude" is able to slip in.
The title/topic is "Control".....watch out for that mindset. It can create chaos and confusion AND stop you from reaching your goals. Oh yes, one more thing......stay away from "Any Dude"!
Just a few words for wisdom and encouragement before you start your day.
We are born with a purpose. Some get to know theirs before others...others give up...others keep going in the hopes that ONE day the answer will come. In a different category, some figure it out and then run from it in the name of FEAR. Coming from a SHECreatediT business seminar yesterday (9/21/14), I had the pleasure of sitting in front of an awesome person, Myron Schippers. and listen about Goal Setting. Among the other information that was disseminated at this think tank/meeting of the minds, I got the definition of FEAR: False Evidence Appears Real
Fear makes us run from our objectives, makes us run from ourselves. What does that mean? It means, you know you are an artist (your purpose), meaning you have a gift that plagues you day in and day out because it's not being fed and created. Developing your gift will take creativity and work to be successful, so to run away from it. How? You take a job in corporate america to get comfortable and get a guaranteed check. OH wow! you have a paycheck every two weeks and benefits...you are comfortable yet miserable. Miserable because your gift is still dancing in your mental waiting to manifest. Yes! Your gift is present and you dabble in it and each time you dabble you get this feeling of contentment...contentment because you are where you are supposed to be.
I can only speak for me so I'll use me as an example - singing/pianist. I do it/have done it got scared and I ran...once I started running I kept making up excuses of why I was running. Even though I'm surrounded by people that are making it happen, I see the process I see them go from planning on paper to fruition and still the excuses come of why I can't do it. And the more excuses that come up, the worse I feel. The cycle has to change, the cycle is changing, running around in a circle makes me dizzy. A good friend of mine just said "stop going back in time" she wasn't talking about this blog or the topic, she doesn't even know I'm writing this right now but it spoke to me because my downfall is to continue to look back on BAD things and allowing my future to be affected. A question I pose to myself, "what about the GOOD things? Why not reflect on those and allow my future to be affected?" Great question self. We're working on that right now! (Read "Pregnant With A Purpose")
First step - Vision Board in full effect!
See it/ Plan it/Do it
Second step - Create the plan
Third step - Do the plan
Constant step - Adjust the plan (always)
The moral of this story:
Stop running from your destiny! Stop letting a made up feeling stop you from being totally happy! Quit settling for less than....get more than...get YOUR more than!
I had a chance to have a convo with a young man from another country about his move to the United States. The company I work for has international offices and we have international interns and employees so my assumption is a Visa and here to go to school and/or work, I was not ready for what I was about to hear.
So, apparently the process is as follows:
Person approaches the embassy to advise of wanting to come to the US.
A nonrefundable $$$$$$ amount is paid.
The embassy looks at the type of work that the person will be doing in the US.
If there is a need for that type of work, in their opinion, the Visa is approved or denied.
If the Visa is denied, the person does NOT get the money back. So now they are still stuck in their country and out of $1000s of dollars.
We keep the money. When I say "we" I mean my government not his. Where is the dough flowing? We have ALL types of issues going on in these United States. There are all types of revenue streams that flow elsewhere. There is a group of people that have spent all of their lives holding on to their privileges. I guess it makes sense to try to keep a group of people beneath you so you can feel powerful. As many opportunities that we have, I just couldn't believe the process I mentioned above is in place anywhere or would ever be dreamed up.
I'm sure you're saying "you didn't say what country"....does it really matter? This is crazy! This is really crazy!
I was born and raised here and even though my brown skin is still sometimes mocked (even in 2014) I like this country, I've even served my country but dammit sometimes shit is just backwards! Making people do what they have to do to scrape up and save money to only possibly lose it. Totally backwards!
I normally give a word of encouragement during this part of the blog but I'm having a hard time thinking of anything to say. I send positive vibes to those that are making a strong attempt to get to the states. I pray that EVERYthing goes well and you are successful in all that you are striving to do. Continue with your passion and birth your baby. Don't let America, America suck it out of you. Life can be brutal if you don't keep pushing forward. In the words of a hip hop producer, it's all about the benjamins aka the cheddar aka the money. Another cliche is money talks, bullshit walks. Most of the business deals are made behind closed doors, in clubs, over drinks with money involved. You scratch my back I'll scratch yours is another mindset used in business. Just be careful and keep swimming.
The Word says "Write the Vision and make it plain" which goes along with the practical application of a Vision Wall. If you've never heard of a vision wall it's literally the practice of making a poster board or use a wall to bring your visions/goals to life. Yes, you use magazines and other print media and have a literal cut and paste happy time. You will definitely find out more about yourself, some amazing things. When you see it, it makes sense. Patrick Love wrote a song that reiterates making the vision plain and reassures one that if the Lord said it, it is a done deal! (click here for a gospel eargasm)
It's been a minute since I've shared my words/thoughts. I promise I'm actively working on getting better about that.
I've been straddling the mediocre fence for several years. I have a gift and I've had the pleasure of being connected with a host of folks that can REALLY make it happen in my life. But fear has kept me from taking it all the way to the finish line. It's a scary thing to know that you have a purpose and to know that you're too scared to make it happen. My spirit-man reminds me daily that I have a job to do before I leave this earth and before I leave this earth it will get done.....by me.
So last night, my dreams had me roaming around the town not necessarily doing anything in particular and I was very very pregnant. Felt like about 8 to 9 months along, I wasn't going into labor or anything but I was just really ready to give birth. When I woke up I had to apologize to my heavenly Father for wasting what he gave me. Because my dream emulated my life in Atlanta. Roaming around doing this/that wasting energy and time and holding a "baby". My musical gifts are there, I just didn't move with the mighty motivation that I should have. The purpose is about to be birthed, vision board being created and I'm ready to stop being mediocre. I knew I was getting restless because I've been looking at other job opportunities, don't get me wrong the company I've worked with is awesome but I've gotten into a comfortable rut which is NOT good. So at this point when I do make a move it will not be to another distraction from my purpose. So guess what readers... I'M PREGNANT....with a purpose and it's about to be born.
I want to encourage you! If there is anything you are holding back on due to fear, let the fear go for faith. Switch it up! Instead of speaking "less than" into your life, speak "more than". So be encouraged...live your life the way you were born to live it! Don't look for others to encourage you, look in the mirror and encourage yourself.
(click here for more great stuff)
It's been 3 months since my last installment. Whew! I need to really get my time better organized. I'm doing stuff I love to do but I have to figure out how to do it ALL properly. :-)
As you know, I speak my mind on different topics and today's entry is in reference to my view of our Kings, our men, our providers. I meant to start this a few weeks earlier after I had an inbox Facebox altercation but have been delayed due to other things in life. I'm sure you're curious about the above-mentioned altercation and I will tell you in just a moment.
What I have noticed is that our men have moved from the position of provider to being provided for. It seems like they are more comfortable with laying up while the woman takes care of them. I'm not saying this scenario is brand new but it seems that our younger generation of men are okay with it. I'd really love to know why..my first answer is more and more single mom homes with NO male support.
The moms, in this scenario, dote on their sons to the point of smothering causing them to be a "mama's boy" with no provision training. Yes I said provision training. They are raised to look for a woman to continue to take care of them. It's rather sad to see this trend especially after being raised by the male generation that took pride in making sure the family was taken care of. Of course, this does not describe ALL men but enough of them to make it very, very noticeable.
The facebook interaction that lead me to this thought pattern is as follows:
I don't proclaim and profess my dating life all over social media and I try to keep an even keeled momentum when conversing with members of the opposite sex on social media. Dealing with marketing/PR events within the arts (music, dance, etc) I deal/connect with men a lot of the time. I'm sure a lot of women have experienced the inbox message from a new male friend request scenario where you have to let him know you're not interested and not single. One day I had an incredible experience with a guy that had already approached me with the "hey are you single?" vibe more than once, which I answered "no" each time, that really took it over the top. It was his attitude that made me start thinking about our younger generation of african american men and how they view their position in society. The scenario (abridged version) went as follows: Strange FB Guy: Hi. You don't know me but I met a woman here in Atlanta who I'd known for a few months and I thought I wanted to marry her. She talked me into moving back with her to Texas where I would be living with her, her mother and her teenage son. We had plans to open up a food truck business. Her mother doesn't like me and they constantly fight about so I had to leave the house and now I'm homeless with no ID because I left my drivers license in GA. Again, I don't know you but I wanted to know if you could send me something to help out, I wouldn't think of asking but the whole ticket is $100+.
Strange FB Guy: See that's what's wrong with society now, people don't want to help each other. This is why we'll never come up as a people.
And then as I was in the process of disconnecting from his page, I noticed he'd proceeded to adding cryptic status updates about people not helping out those that could be an important influence on society. Again, all I could do was look and laugh.
It seems that a lot of our men seem to be more inclined to being provided for versus being providers. I see a man as two things, 1. protector2. provider. They are our kings, our heads of the households (in my eyes). But I'm noticing more of a trend of men who seem to be okay with asking a woman for a hand out. I was raised around and by the male generation that figured out how to provide for his family and wouldn't dare think about asking for a hand out. This inbox guy literally showed me with his story that he had no plan for provision, had no problem asking a strange woman for money and then had the gall to hit me with a "our people will never come up" line when I didn't agree.
And to that I ask, My Kings...What Happened to You? What happened to the men that know what it means to make something out of nothing? What happened to the providers? Why are they becoming a minority?
Another scenario that saddens me is that more and more of our Kings are subconsciously leading the Queens to be less than ladies. They don't seem to attempt to court or date, immediately plans for jumping in the sack are in the air. Molding a relationship is no longer a priority. I saw a quote floating around the internet that basically said "People meet, jump into bed and create situations." and it seems to be accurate. Again, this does not pertain to EVERYone, it's not a general statement but the men that prefer to get to know a lady definitely seem to be in the minority these days. Instead of making us proud to be a lady, we get called "bitches", "whores", "thots" and the big new craze seems to be becoming a single mother. At one time in society, an unwed mother was not looked upon as a good thing. Men looked down on men who left a pregnant woman alone to raise his child. These days, it seems our men eagerly look forward to planting a seed and leaving and the women have slowly morphed into the mindset of ONLY wanting to be a single mother instead of a wife. And then they seem to be content with themselves with being able to say how strong or independent they are and how much a man isn't needed. We are created by two parents for a reason, as individuals we are formed by the lessons of the father AND the mother. This is slowly turning into a very vicious cycle and we have got to do something to reverse it. My kings we are counting on you to lead the way.
As you know I ALWAYS end my blog on a positive note. So here goes..... for every man that walks over me to get to a seat on the bus or train there is a man that gives up his seat and/or allows the women step on the bus or train ahead of him. I see you my kings, I see young men showing that they are being trained by kings. For every mother that talks down about men in front of their children and/or keeps the father from seeing his kids for no other reason than just being evil, there is a mother that does her darndest to make sure the child is NEVER separated from his/her father. I see you my queens, yes ma'am, I see you and thank you.
It's not totally hopeless but it's looking kind of bleak. My kings, we need you. You are definitely our leaders...believe it or not women follow your lead. Quiet as it's kept, the entire world follows your lead. You have no idea how much power you truly have, if you were to use it for good the world would be so much better. Don't let the negative media rule the way our daughters and sons live, let them see what it means to be an upright man. Let our daughters see what good man looks like so they'll know when it's wrong.
Puttin my own spin on a long term cliche, it takes a village to raise a generation. It takes a village of people that are willing to put up with naysayers, to put up with the ones that don't want to do better and for some off reason, want the rest of us to sit back and let it all go to hell in a hand basket. It takes a village of Kings and Queens to keep pushing us to the top of our game! My Kings we are watching and take our cues from you, make us proud!
Peace and Blessings....
"146 months old" - author unknown
"Lead by Example" - www.blackyouthproject.com
"The Crown" - www.vampirediaries.wikia.com